Why do people hurt other peoples feelings & how to rise through difficult situations?
There is a sort of double edged sword in Community. You want to have fun, you want others to have fun, you want to be accepted and accept others. So let's sit with the reality of accepting someone who acts like a complete, let's call it how it really is- , shithead. Let's visualize and accept someone who is aggressive and in pain ready to lash out on anyone who is having fun and genuinely happy. We all likely know these people. We have all been in this position.
"They aren’t happy with their own lives and this inner agitation is reflected outwardly. Therefore, all they see are things that aren’t working. And if you’re in their way, you’re a part of what isn’t working in their lives.
So they lash out and say or do things that can be interpreted as hurting someone’s feelings.
But how someone feels about you is never about you, it’s about them. So you can choose to see it as people who are in pain, expressing themselves. Or you can choose to see it as someone who wants to hurt you and get hurt feelings.
The choice is yours. The person who speaks is not the one who is choosing to be hurt, it is the other who interprets the conversation as hurtful.
In other words, it doesn’t need to happen. Nobody is responsible for how you feel, but you."
~Gayle Maree, Director/Emotional Coach at 6DimensionsofHealing.com
How to rise when someone is trying to push you down
<3 Recognize & Remove yourself from the situation: Surround yourself with people who know how to love. You know the ones. The ones who just shine a little bit brighter, a little bit fuller. Or just enjoy time by yourself. No need to linger around the energy of a toxic person. Avoid giving them an opportunity to take out their unhappiness or insecurity on you. Make your response to them and then gracefully exit the situation. Find your next situation in which you can make the contribution you dream of. Be where you are respected and accepted. Is the situation a hell yes or a hell no :) Act accordingly.
<3 Shake it off. The faster you shake it off the better. That's their shit and you are not here to save anyone. What are the qualities and attributes of who YOU want to show up as? Avoid taking it personally or letting the other person dictate how you will show up. Instead, Act in the integrity of who you are. Be kind and helpful. The person who puts you down is trying to put themselves ‘one up’. This often happens with immature people or ppl trying to look cool.. so insecure ppl. Show your composure by breathing, and remaining unshaken. Oftentimes the other person is trying to learn from you and how you react to an awful situation bc they themselves have been put in one before and don’t know how to cope. If they exclude you it is bc they have been excluded.
<3 Worry less, follow your dreams more. You have dreams, you have a path your yes is leading you on. Believe in your value as a well-meaning and smart person. Look the person in the eye and tell them why you are proud of who you are and what you’ve done/haven’t done. Stay neutral and not let your emotions hijack you because it will help your defense be taken seriously.
The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the non-essentials, and then removes the obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. — Greg Mckeown
<3 Let it go. Perhaps it is just your path is being shown to you. Stay sharp. Consider whether you did something that played a role in the interaction that might have made the other person feel disrespected and attack you back… If so, start by taking responsibility for your 50%, even apologizing if it’s justified. You will see the other person show a lot more goodwill to you after you’ve done that.
<3 Find your Allies. A powerful way ppl can defend themselves is to have other people speak on your behalf. If a person can speak up to defend you, whether in the moment or later, it can be even more powerful than if you do it yourself. So friends, remember: Be prepared to step in for one another. Keep your vibes high & the love flowing.
In a World gone wrong, many people are in pain. It's an awful situation that we certainly wish wasn't so but alas it is. Stay strong people and keep fighting for the light. Our numbers are growing and you are loved. You are safe. Just because someone doesn't value you or treat you right you are valuable. It's like a meditation. You are the sky and people come and go into your life like clouds.
We all need to feel loved, we all need to belong, help the children, help the ones who are ready and willing.
Stay strong, keep loving, keep trusting and know you are loved.
Focus on the good, focus on the life you want, and keep walking. Doors are not closing, they are only opening :)
All ways your partner on the path,
the red road,
We have come to be danced not the pretty dance not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance but the claw our way back into the belly of the sacred, sensual animal dance the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance the holding the precious moment in the palms of our hands and feet dance We have come to be danced not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance but the wring the sadness from our skin dance the blow the chip off our shoulder dance the slap the apology from our posture dance We have come to be danced not the monkey see, monkey do dance one, two dance like you one two three, dance like me dance but the grave robber, tomb stalker tearing scabs & scars open dance the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance WE have come to be danced not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance the strip us from our casings, return our wings sharpen our claws & tongues dance the shed dead cells and slip into the luminous skin of love dance We have come to be danced not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance the mother may I? yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance the everyone can come to our heaven dance We have come to be danced where the kingdom’s collide in the cathedral of flesh to burn back into the light to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray to root in skin sanctuary We have come to be danced WE HAVE COME
~ Jewel Mathieson